i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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