Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
