and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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