what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
