i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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