I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
