Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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