apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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