i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
