i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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