Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
