The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
