wat bout pragnant strippers??
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
