We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
