Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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