Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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