Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
