Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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