At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
