You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize