I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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