allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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