i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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