I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
