I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
