just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize