last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
