woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
