I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize