i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
