brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
