I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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