**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize