I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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