I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
