I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
