I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
