I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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