just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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