I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
