Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
