The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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