He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
