paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
