I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They took my balls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
