Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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