you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
