he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
