For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
