she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
