So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
