You can't motorboat a personality
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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