I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
