I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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