roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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