You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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