so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
