carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
