Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
