I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
