Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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