i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
