We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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