i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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