trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so let's talk penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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