She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
