I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
