You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
