she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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