the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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