What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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